i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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