I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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