his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
