Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
