In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
