I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
