The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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