Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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