Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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