On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
True strength comes from lack of pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
