I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
