I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
