He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
someone owes me an orgasm
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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