in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
