I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
