you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
