If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
