New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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