My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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