dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
