Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
