Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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