I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
