Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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