you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
