last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
