Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
