So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
