rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
