Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
