Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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