Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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