Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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