i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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