Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
