every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
