Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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