You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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