Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize