apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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