i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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