so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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