I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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