Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
