FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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