You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
