wrigley field is MILF paradise
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
