We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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