Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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