She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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