I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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