guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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