We named our party play list daddy issues
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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