You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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