I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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