My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
