I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
