you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
