you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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