so that wasnt chicken after all
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
