He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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