i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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