She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
