Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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