i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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