Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
