No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
