Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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