So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
