Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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